Lately, I've been asking myself, "What if I managed to get into SJI?", "What if I had mixed better at Hai Sing Catholic?", "What if I had taken up that good opportunity to buy that new CD for $28.90 instead of $39.90?" and others like "What if I done my homework?" or "What if I stopped being a naughty older brother?"
Now, it doesn't matter what the questions are about, but what the question is. You see, all those questions up there, each one of them, they are of an "if" question, on topic "I", or in grammatical terms, "me".
What if I managed to get into SJI? I probably would be happier, no doubt.
What if I had mixed better at Hai Sing Catholic? Even better. I wouldn't want to go to SJI, then.
What if I had taken up that good opportunity to buy that new CD for $28.90 instead of $39.90? I would've saved myself a couple of bucks for an MRT ride home, because the next time I went to the stores, I bought it for $39.90, and I had a hard time getting home.
What if I done my homework? I wouldn't be so rushed right now!
What if I stopped being a naughty older brother? My brother wouldn't be so naughty back at me!
These thoughts, if you did have them, drifting about in your mind, are negative. They imply that you have chosen the wrong path in your "if". You should've gotten into SJI, you would've been happier! And all these things! They make themselves linger in your mind, you've regretted it, and you feel like, in all regard, a fucking asshole.
Every time you get the feeling on buses or trains, in your thought cycle, whenever they pop up, there's that tingly sense that goes up your whole system. You know it, you feel it. You drive that thought away, assuming it negative, assuming that you should've gone the better choice.
But they still keep coming back! They don't get off your chest because you drive them away!
Bad thoughts. You read in books, inspirational books, that bad thoughts should be forgotten, not lingering. But they never told you how, did those books?
So, one day of analysis on one of those goddamn bus rides I had made me think of this. What if you could instead, turn those "if"s into a good scenario? Whatever bad came out of it, something good too. This goes to you "religion is a fuckwad" people too. Whatever bad came out of religion, an equal in sorts from it came out good.
Let's turn my scenarios up there into good ones.
What if I managed to get into SJI? I would've probably been late for school everyday as I don't want to burden my mom to send me all the way to Whitley Road!
What if I had mixed better at Hai Sing Catholic? You never know what in these bastards' heads! They may influence you! And influence is bad!
What if I had taken up that good opportunity to buy that new CD for $28.90 instead of $39.90? I wouldn't have learnt the importance of having a EZ Link Card whenever I go out, and a worst scenario may have happened later!
What if I done my homework? I would've probably fucked it all up because I do work with creativity and creativity takes time!
What if I stopped being a naughty older brother? Then my brother and I wouldn't be interacting at all anymore!
These thoughts, you can't push them away. You can't be relieved of them. But what if you changed them into postives? Would you suddenly go "Oh shit goddamn motherfucker!" on the bus one day while you're thinking? No? They'll come and go.
Those backaches, they float on, one by one.
